Some things I have discovered about myself - I have always been the caretaker for my family, especially for my mom. I dissected the word caretaker - care take - I take care of you and you take my care. This both benefits and harms us - it exhausts me to constantly take care of you, but that is my role and I feel comfort here. By taking care of you, I deny you the growth of caring for yourself, although it is much easier for you to have me handle everything. Changing our accepted roles, especially in our family of origin, after all this time is difficult. A situation came up two weeks ago involving my mother and me, I basically said I wasn't going to take care of her. Please don't get me wrong - I love her and she is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. It is very difficult to hold true to my value of respect in this situation. I am feeling anxiety, guilt but also a feeling of relief. In an earlier blog, I listed my core values. I can't express how important just having the words at hand is to me. I can justify my actions because they align with my core values and make me a stronger, happier, more whole person.
I was toiling in the soil the other day and found this under a tree. I have lived in this house for almost 16 years - where did it come from? I love happy discoveries like this!!
I'm glad that you could speak up for yourself. We all know the value of caring yourself, but sometimes sacrifice for other people. It's very tough to do that if that's your family.
ReplyDeleteSince I haven't worked yet I always have plenty of time to do so. But when I start to work what will happen? I hope knowing some self-saving strategies will probably help me go through with all that. + with my religion. ;)